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We shoppeded until we droppeded

August 22, 2010

Dear Journal,  

 I found my new favorite hangout today.  The flea market down the interstate 2 exits! 

 Dont laugh 🙂 

 I got so many good things I don’t even know where to start. 

 Since the man and I got reimbursed for the moving company losing/damaging a lot of our things, it was important to us to spend wisely in replacing some of this, because the Army will never give you full value for a lot of your items that you lost.

  The first and best value we got was a king size comforter set and 3 decorative pillows for 30 dollars. (that is thirty)  It was all brand new and originally came from where everything there is very pricey.  I cannot believe this lady at the flea market sold this but then again,  some people get gifts as presents and they don’t really like the gift, either way I was glad she did sell it for 30 dollars.  It’s amazing. 

   I also bought a brand new (still in box and packing) red stoneware dishes set for 5  (that’s 5) dollars.  By then I was feeling pretty great. 

An Arbonne bath brush for 2 dollars, usually sold with the bath pillow for 29 dollars I got it for 2, (that’s two) dollars.

   I love this flea market.  It went on for days.  And if not for the fact that we were trying to save money…wow. I would’ve bought a lot.

   Nice quilt for 20.   

 A HUGE wall print for 25  dollars that looks quite a bit like it came from Home Interior. 

 Not surprisingly, the “man” got tired of shopping when we got to the part of the market where the booths were in the sun!  Texas is sooooo hot.  Triple digit temps drive us inside much of the day.

  The family did back to school shopping  in the mall Saturday.  Texas decided that this weekend they would not charge sales tax all weekend. 

 Well, then wow, that caused about a billion people to come out of their darkened, air conditioned houses, and guess what?  They were all at the flippin mall! 

 I have been Christmas shopping at malls before, and I don’t believe I have seen anything quite like the madhouse Yesterday. 

Even the grocery store today was crazy packed.    Then, it was on to find one of the girlz ~get this~ hot pink sheets.  Well, everywhere we went, they had hot pink sheets,  in any thing but queen size which is what she wanted.   This girl settled for black sheets which go great with her~~zebra striped comforter. lol.   

 By the time we got home, I had been shopping on and off for 6 hours.  My lunch was some mini nutter butter cookies and a milk.   


 Kiddos  are all set for school pretty early in the morning.  It’s been a wild ride summer with them around.

Photo Essay~Finding Peace on the McNay Art Museum Grounds

August 8, 2010




Life’s changing shapes like mercury

August 1, 2010


Out of the half dozen pictures I took this morning, by the river, this is my favorite.  The water looks like mercury, flowing into these abstract shapes around the duck.   Remember when we were kids and we would break open the thermometers (accidentally of course) and play with the little balls of silver mercury, making it come together, and then breaking the liquid apart over and over again?  Yeah, that’s the stuff. 

 Anyway,  A busy part of the river is what made all that reflection.  Comings and goings and boats, and restaurants on the side banks, etc.  

  Today, we all finally got out of the house to see the movie, “Charlie St. Cloud”.  We had to actually pick somewhere to stay inside, so we chose the movies because temps were triple digit heat index, outside.  But anyway, it was a nice change. 

 I felt pretty agitated because of being sick and being on medicine, (thinking of getting off anti- anxiety meds for good)

He was sick as well.  But the movie and the kids also were very good.

  Well it is near midnight, and the trains are announcing their arrival just like they did when we lived in Kansas.   It’s amazing how we can’t get away from those trains! 

  So anyway, I know I said this before, but I have to try and find something to do during the day, even if it is just being away from the house a little while. 

I cannot comprehend this life that I have led so far, going from a gregarious, employed, independent woman to  someone with no money, tied to the house everyday and disinterested in anything.  But that’s really what has happened.  

 Climbing out of a hole is hard, but I’ve had other “hard” things to do and accomplish in my life and I didn’t flake out on that! 

He’s just gone so damn long all the time.  I hate his army job now.  It just sucks the life out of him!   I asked him over and over how do you do it?  because I DONT KNOW> I guess at my age… well,  I’d just rather take life easy.   


P.S.  23 more days until the kids go to school!  yee ha!

making changes without a positive outlook is like riding a bike with a flat tire

July 10, 2010

Dear Journal,


I learned something yesterday.  Finally. 

  Although i have heard a lot of cliches about each day being  a gift to us, and how we each are the controller of our own destiny, I learned that I’m really tired of being on the sidelines of the good things in life.  

   When i was a child,  as young as 7,  I sat on the sidewalk watching my siblings and other friends ride their bikes joyfully up and down our quiet street, which was a hill, then a flat part and then a hill.

  The riding was especially fun for them because, the momentum of starting on the top of one hill on their bicycle, would carry them effortlessly up to the top of the other hill. 

 Over and over and over again, they enjoyed this ride.  It was sheer happiness for a little kid! 

I sat on the sidewalk, not because I didn’t have a bike, but because i just couldn’t ride one.  No one really showed me and I was scared to even pedal a few feet, let alone ride the long hills that my siblings were enjoying. 

After a long time of watching happiness spreading in the form of big grins on their faces, i finally got on my bike.   Determination won over.  I pedaled the length of the sidewalk!   with no help at all, I then pedaled to the top of the hill.

   I did the hill perfectly, again and again just as they were, shouting at them, “i’m riding my bike!  I’M RIDING MY BIKE!” 

Now, I have related this true story before.  But after the last few weeks of disfunctional (as in, doesn’t really work)  experiences in my family and children,  I really need to remember this.

  I have the capability to change the circumstances of my life at any moment.  How big or little the change depends upon the effort i make. 

  It requires a positive attitude at all times, with which i confess, I must work at in my life.  I am a positive person, but i tend to bow down to circumstances and give up. 

   So, everyday, I will find the positive even if i WRITE the negative here, there will be the positive smiling right there along with it. 

 It’s only fair to me.

A few little rollercoaster rules for summer

July 9, 2010

A few little rollercoaster rules:


   To ride this, you can’t get sick even when you realize you can’t see the ground anymore, and even more than that, you must be willing to throw up ON yourself if it happens during this particular turn, because you will be wearing your lunch.


  You must believe that you can always buy another pair of 100 dollar shoes, when they fly off during the ride.


  You must NOT believe your kid  when he says:  “it’s not that bad”

 You must not give in to any “chicken sounds” eminating from your kids mouth. “bawk bawk bock bawk bock bock!” 


You must be willing to wait an hour in line to receive a whiplash. 


You must exit the coaster with a groovy smile on your face, lest your kids always tell people that you were a wimp. 

 You must brag about the ride continuously afterward so as to present a believable story.  ie. “whoa dude that was a bangin ride,  Let’s do it again right now!”


You must LIKE losing the 30 dollar ball cap with the theme park name on it that you just bought prior to the ride.


You must always buy the expensive pricey picture from the vendors, that shows the exact moment you peed your pants in the loop de loop.  Even if you need future psycho therapy just from looking at it! 


You must always forget that you are 40 something and you only have so many years to be “cool” with your kid. 


 If you can’t follow these simple rules and you must be a party pooper, just go ahead, sit on the curb, trying in vain to figure out where your kid will exit from,  and drink  that  5 dollar soda.  At least you will have your shoes on.





work woman work

July 9, 2010


Dear Journal: 

Today  I drove 20 miles to the Army post because the office in charge of handing out the jobs to displaced spouses of military soldiers, told me  my “folder was back” and I need to come in at 1000 a.m. 

 I didn’t ask questions. 

I should have.

  I thought since my folder was back, that meant…they had a job offer for me. 

  You see?  not asking questions really can screw someone up.  Folder back from where exactly?  Well as it turns out… they had me come all the way in to verify my address, phone and where I wanted to work, put it all in their computer and…*drum roll please*  now I’m ready to be referred.

   Wow.     I know, I’m impatient.  I know I want to be financially independent again.   It’s not about me wanting to stay home because I would…if I knew without a doubt that my marriage was happy. 

 That my girlz would stop with their daily screaming and arguments.  That I didn’t have to keep retreating to my bed and sleeping because that’s the only peace I have right now. 


Tonight I took my ceramic piggy with the flowers on it and emptied her of all of her quarters, so that the girlz and I could got to the store and get “snacks”.  I bought milk and oh yeah pads. lol.  You see this is one of the reasons that a job can’t come fast enough for me.  

 Their dad continues to be empty and void of all /any show of love for me.  He comes home and eats the spaghetti i made for him.  He doesn’t hug me or even talk to me for a solid hour.  He goes on his computer.  Finally, I go to him. 

 I tell him “why didn’t he even say hello?  He tells me:  ME?  How bout You?  Why didn’t you come to me?” I really can’t comprehend this relationship any longer…

You see the picture above?  It was taken at Seaworld.  It’s a beautiful waterfall huh?  A nice pleasant picture, right?    Well it happens to be the home of about 20 carnivorous alligators.  and that’s exactly the way I feel about this beautiful home I live in. 


Happiness is a pool in summer

July 7, 2010

Dear Journal,

 I slept in until 1:30 p.m today.  Only vaguely aware of ‘him’ leaving the house this morning, at 4 a.m.

   Oh I got up this morning, though.  Long enough to have my prerequisite bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats on the back patio, letting my dog lap up the extra milk. 

 All was quiet, still, and cool back in the house, so we went up stairs and slept some more. 

Once awake,  The kids, old enough to take great care of themselves,  fought later on however.  

 It was mind numbing stress to hear them argue with voices well above comfortable dog listening levels.   I would have just let them duke it out, but  it involved Dorito throwing and then a brawl.  

  *sigh*  I am getting to the good part okay?   Once I convinced them of the error of their ways,  later on, we were able to enjoy life unhindered by these little battles and we went to the pool.

  Where thankfully, in a short time we had  all of it to ourselves and there I floated.  On my back.  Looking up at the blue sky…in much the same fashion as I did while we lived in Hawaii.      

 It was a few moments of heavenly bliss.     We were just mother and children for a little while.  Without the need to bitch at each other.

 There’s just something so soothing about floating around on a body of water on a little blow up raft.  Something so amazing about the combination of sun and warmth and cool water.   It’s a medicine for the soul.     

Though I am an ocean lover at heart, a pool will more than do.  oh yes it will.  

when pigs fly, a whole lot of stuff is going to happen!

July 6, 2010

Dear Journal,


He was manic today.

  All those kind of days with him are just me, standing in awe of him as he does non-stop chores from 6 in the morning until 10 at night. 

 I mean he just never stopped going until he forced himself to go to sleep.   Those kind of days are hard. I mean.

 I do things in the house too, I vacuum and clean and pick up after the kids and do some laundry.  But when he’s manic, he has this sense of superiority with me.  I get tired with anemia also and I do still take a nap in the afternoon.  I caught him “passively criticizing” that with eyerolls and sighs. and telling the kids, “Your mother is sleeping again”

  I caught him complaining that people don’t “pick up their trash”  when we were walking across the parking lot of a supermarket and there happened to be 3….wait for it….CRACKERS….on the ground!  

  I mean LOL!?    I tell him, “Really?  this is a parking lot.  You’re not the owner of the store!”  

 He said, that people should have some pride about their stuff.

  Definitely not the good kind of day with good vibes with him.  I mean there’s days when I think I can spend my whole life with him, and days when I grind my teeth.

   Speaking of teeth.  His found my ice in my empty soda cup and he proceeded to crush the ice all the way home with his molars. 

    I spent the rest of the day, watching him from afar, do laundry, clean the car out, mow the lawn and trim it, cook us a big dinner, iron his uniform, pack a bag for work,  vacuum, etc etc etc.  He rarely spoke to me.  Again it was just myself and the kids, on a lonely boat in the middle of a loveless ocean.  

 I see myself getting desperate for these good government jobs to call me again.  Where oh where the frak is my good JOB?    Maybe when pigs fly.

Pictures. Must have pictures.

July 3, 2010

Dear journal,

Okay, it was just plain killing me not to include any pictures in the new anonymous blog.  Therefore.  A compromise.  A picture  a day as long as it’s not family (including me).

This was taken at the dog park when I took my dog.  A beautiul animal in motion. 

So all the rain fall out from Hurricane Alex turned all our ditches into lakes.  Better lake than flooded streets, Eh!   Just in time for our pool pass to come.  Great swimming weather!  lol.   

 There is not much else to tell except for the man going back to work.   4 o’clock.  Alarm blasting. 

 Well one good thing, I didn’t have to follow up and go to work in the morning.  I’m looking for an evening job as we speak.  I’m back to being the night owl I once was.  And as long as Him snoring happens while I’m still awake,  I’m okay.  Oddly, as I type my blog, his soft snoring is actually comforting.   go figure.

Of breakfast hurricanes and the creepies

June 30, 2010

Dear Journal,

We started by having a family breakfast this morning at an eatery well known for breakfast being served 24-7.    I mean it really was sweet.  Until the Hurricanes rolled in….no….not Hurricane Alex. 

 Hurricane *_________fill in my kids names here_________*

Teens!  hmph!  I mean they slapped each other in the restaurant like Mo, Larry and Curly.    as usual, they are ever the public oddity. 


 Now, before you say, “oh well, they haven’t had any home training”   I must assure you that they have. 

 And also they have had a time where their dad and I wouldn’t take them anywhere in public with us at all!       Eventually they settled down this morning after I separated them and threatened the day lights out of them.   


Their dad ordered crepes with nutella and strawberries and whipped creme.  Last time he did that, he told the waiter that he ordered the “creepies”  and yah, we all had a big laugh. 


Well, we were supposed to go do an activity where the weather had to be nice to go to, but we ended up seeing the girly chick flick  “Eclipse”  which to be honest isn’t an awesome movie. 

 It’s just a movie. 

 in which Hollywood is milking the crap out of 3 actors for all they’re worth.  But it made  the kids happy.  


 It ended up raining later and I ended up taking a nap….*sigh* again.  

  Only to be confronted later on by worry wart about our bills again.    *sigh* again.  I decided to apply online for an interim job until I can get the job I want. 

hoping to hold off any more “pressure” from him about money.    I’ll let you’all know what happens.    I just hate the idea of working retail again.  But really, my hours I want?  yeah.  retail hours, what else? 


So it’s late again and I’m really not tired at all but I’ve been doing a little better getting up by Nine A.M.  As usual I have to give myself a little pep talk about how life must go on, and how I need to motivate myself for me and be there for the kids…blahblahblah.   

  If I end up working retail, it’ll take a hell of a lot more motivating then that.